Today she called and before I could even exchange
pleasantries, she began on her grievances (again!).
And as she poured out on how hard life was, my mind was
reeling. The strain in her voice was apparent, her anger was justified and I
agreed with her reasoning too, but I could not (at least not substantially)
feel ‘sorry for her’. The predominant thought ringing emphatically in my ears
was, ‘there she goes again’.
“Why should everything be my responsibility, it is so
unfair!” She screamed in utter frustration. Thank god, phones do not have eyes;
for right then, I was looking at my watch and trying to gauge how further
delayed I would be in getting on with my day. A part of my mind was also
scrutinising the conversation for an opportune moment to excuse myself and be
off the hook, as politely as I could. Well she is a good friend and this sounds
mean and cold but I am stating facts here.
As I observed myself observing her, it hit me! No one really
feels or truly cares, because we can’t (unless it is really tragic like a
disease or a death or a huge failure)! That we just pretend we are listening
while we mentally tune out and attend to quotidian chores-, should supper be
rice or roti, should I attend class or not?,… Or maybe, we listen with
customary validations of ‘hmmmm’ but we ‘do not’ or perhaps it would be fair to say that most
of us ‘cannot’ truly give a damn!
I remember being where my friend was, narrating with
meticulous details of how ‘unfair’ life had been to me to many an unwilling
ears, yet most of the times, those outlets only took away more of my energy,
tempting me to hate and rage more, wallow in self pity as I flashed my balance
sheet to the other uncaring eyes and ears.
I am not saying we don’t care… I am saying perhaps we can’t
care… or maybe don’t care enough to commiserate the negative chain it gets us
into
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