I too lit a candle

This was my saddest Sunday. The drizzle in the morning conveyed the mood of the otherwise cheerful city in the summer. From the morning, I could imagine hundreds of people going to the church with flowers.

 This morning it was different, I could imagine hundreds of people in silence going to the church. There was no music. There was no sermon. There was only silence, candles and flowers. They lit the candle stood there in silence. Everyone was in the mood for silent prayer.

Today, I remember all those who lost their life for the violent act of terrorism. I remember when the prophet was asked what are the signs of society going crazy- he said there would come a time when people will kill each other, but neither the killers know why they killed nor the killed know why they were killed.

I understand a lot of young people lost their lives for no fault of theirs. Those young people were the ones who dreamt of a just, equitable and sustainable society. They represented the best of the social democratic values. And they were just blooming. - Most of them in their teenage. They were at the prime of their life, dreams and imagination. I could only say a silent prayer for the parents and family who lost their very dear children at their prime; those children who were celebrating their youth and dreams, just when the dreams got shattered.

It is a cruel world. I too lit a candle.

Being stupid

Once again the clouds gather, once again it begins to rain………once again I begin walking through the vast stretch of the memory lane. Some forgotten, some half remembered..and some memories which I wish I could forget....
I am wondering what happened with the good old times, with all the innocent dreams, silly enthusiasm and childhood purity, with all the realness of our own worlds. I remember sunny days, breezy afternoons, and the smell of spring.
I think I might be selfish… I don’t like nor understand the attitude I have towards some things and some people. And yet, even though I can’t explain why or find any reason at all for my behaviour I keep acting that way.
The thing is, I am afraid of losing people I care about as I know how hard it is to find the worthy ones. And seeing how, unlike many other people, I don’t make friends all the easily, I like to keep the ones I have by me at all times. The problem arises when I am not able to do just that, and it happens more often every day.
I do understand, we all have our own paths to follow and they often lead us in all the different directions and as the time goes by, you lose track of who went where. It gets harder to keep in touch and eventually, one way or the other, without even noticing, you lose it completely. By that time, you have already replaced your old friend you used to hang out with, with the new one and you don’t even think about your old friend anymore.


Today I admit, I am possessive about my bestie, I feel that’s wrong and immature, and I wish I could change that about me, I wish I could be less selfish and make peace with people choosing their own life path whether or not it’s a part of mine. I shouldn’t feel sad about it, I shouldn’t give up on those people.....One year!! A very small time. But large enough for hearts to entangle, for everlasting bonds to prosper, and for sweet relations to develop......

I want to thank you for trusting me, and listening to me when I needed you to. I wanted to let you know that everything you do means a lot to me even though it seems as if most of it is trivial and stupid. I wanted to thank you for letting me help you, even though I know that you really know how to do whatever it is that I help you with.

The sun has set long ago in my world and the skies became gloomy. Now I can only hope it doesn’t rain all day.. Although, most of the times, it does.

What Happiness is ??

I don’t know why, but I felt suddenly very dizzy.

It is a very bright, lazy, empty Sunday afternoon. A cloud swam across the blue sky, and I tried to give shape to it. For a moment I imagined that I saw something, a DRAGON, but the form faded in my mind and I realized it had been my imagination. 

Early morning I am wondering What Happiness is? 

How strange. I didn’t rightly know what it means, and I think part of me still clung to the superficial sense of the word; the vague, abstractions that people carry with them. It’s all bullshit. I googled it up and it says, happiness is a steaming pile of emotional refuse spawned by microscopic chemical reactions in the brain. Now don’t ask me what's it, that’s what the INTERNET says.

Now you would be wondering why these random thoughts actually enter my head. Maybe my brain just gets kicks out of thinking about such abstract topics early in the morning. I wonder what that says about my sanity or stability of mind as such. But then I do know how sanity works. That’s how I have managed to pass on this “act” of sanity throughout the 25 odd years of my life. Now, coming back to the topic, Happiness- I could describe it only in the way I could define it. Happiness is something personal. It’s completely customized in my marketing terms. 

Happiness meant holding her hand and walking by her side, knowing that I never have to walk alone. Happiness is sitting by her side all alone, feeling like we are the only two people in the world at that moment and never wanting that moment to end and wishing it would go on forever. Happiness also meant fighting with her every day, just to prove a point that she cares for me, and only me, which is something near miraculous. Happiness also defined my personal feeling that I’m truly the luckiest guy on earth for having found her, and gained her and loved her (which for me is a miracle considering the fact that I used to imagine a life with my television, eating Lays and dying away...) 

Happiness meant all this and much more though I know that the person who was responsible for all this is no longer in my life. I shall admit, I was devastated when she left, even hated her for a while, wondering how such a delight could turn into something so torturous.  But then I realized. That I love her. And that I would always love her. And such a beautiful cause of my happiness could not be the cause of my sorrow. I refuse to insult her memories in my mind by tainting it, calling her a cause of my personal sadness.

I shall always love you, and I shall always be happy.

Thanks: - Chaitra ...FOR HELPING ME FINISH THIS POST ....